Being Mommy with TRUE joy...Possible?

It has been way too long! Over the last few months of holidays, sickness, family visits and lots of birthdays I've noticed something in my heart. I find my children to be hindrances, intrusions, interruptions. It is hard for me to admit, and very very humbling and convicting. I couldn't understand why I wasn't having fun and enjoying being a mommy. Then, about a week ago my mother in law gave me a book to read. It is called "Praise Her in the Gates" by Nancy Wilson. I'm only 3 chapters in but I'm being so encouraged and challenged by this deep but quick read. In chapter one, on page 19 she says,

"Children are not to be viewed as a hindrance, an intrusion, an interruption or a burden. Fruit is not to be viewed in such a way. Of course, fruit requires tending, and tending can be hard work. But it is good work. Women should see that their view of children is shaped by Scripture and not by the world. Hard work, when it is good work, is soul-satisfying and soul-prospering. No matter how many children the Lord may give you, be it two or twelve, you must rejoice in the number and be fruitful in the rearing of them."

 In the midst of this world, when Facebook, TV, play dates (there is nothing wrong with playing and fellowshipping but when its 7 days a week and they are putting too much stress on the kids it is not fun anymore), friends, family, activities take priority over my kids, I find myself frustrated when they need me, need to potty, need to eat, want me to play or want me to just sit and cuddle. I'm wasting these precious and quick moments that I will regret not soaking up. And I'm truly wasting my life on things that won't matter They need me. They need a mommy filled with joy and not the world. They've been getting jipped. And I am done. I'm turning off my phone, turning off the TV, and making sure they are my priority.

So then, why don't I have joy in being a mom? Because when I'm focused on other things, my kids are an interruption. How sad. That's where I have been. Have you been there? It is not a fun place to be.  When my littlest is teething and fussy and just wants me to hold him, or my oldest wants me to play soccer with him or needs to go to the potty it should bring joy to my heart that I get to be the one who is there to comfort and love on them!

To be cheerful in motherhood is to know who has called you to be a mother, being fully engulfed in Christ, even when being in Him and in the Word looks different than it used to. I don't have many times when I can sit down and read, write and pray like I did before kids. I didn't realize until lately that its ok that it looks different. I pray while cleaning toilets and making bottles. I do devotions while naptime is going on or listen to worship music and ponder God while driving to appointments. There are ways. I've found that I HAVE to make an effort to put selfishness away and I'm becoming more aware of how much selflessness it takes to be a mommy. Put simply I have had to get over myself. It has been a rough and sanctifying lesson to learn but my kids are getting the reward and so am I. I desire with all my heart for my kids to know and see my love for Christ and in return they would hear His calling for them. I pray this would touch your heart somehow. Be there, be ALL there for your kids. Put things down that you know are keeping you, first from Christ and second from your family. Be true and honest and let God mold your heart.

A Letter to Myself

Dear Mommy,

Stop for a moment, look around, I want you to remember this sweet season.  Yes, there are unfolded clothes, dishes that need to be done, dust and fingerprints on the furniture, and spit up on your shirt, but look past that.  That baby sitting there, staring at you, and watching your every move, do you see her? YOU are her world.  You mean everything to her.  She knows you feed her, hold her, rock her, bathe her, change her, play with her, read to her...love her, and yes, even though she is so tiny and cannot express it, she loves you too, she adores you more than you know.  And that little boy who is asking you to help sweep and wants nothing more than to be with you every moment, or who asks you to fix his train track he breaks two seconds after you fix it, or to read that book he loves over and over again, the one who is growing up so quickly, YOU are his world too.  You're his best friend, his comforter, the fixer of all things, the one who dries his tears, the one who makes him laugh like nobody else can, and yes, he loves you too, more than he could ever express.

But I suppose I don't have to tell you those things, because deep down, deep inside, you know all these things to be true.  And even in the chaos of everyday life, you wouldn't trade your life as a mommy for the world.  These little hearts that have been entrusted to you, they are YOURS for this season of life (for as long as the Lord deems fit), what a privilege, what an honor to be THEIR mommy. Some days you're filled with complete thanksgiving to be a mommy, and other days you don't know if you're fit to be one.  You're tired, but somehow you often forget that. And yet, when you feel like you can't go on any longer, you are reminded that the grace of God is continually fueling you're days, with strength

So Mommy, please STOP, and enjoy every little moment...

Every Tear...because you are the only one that can wipe them away

Every Mess...because behind that mess is creativity, learning, and fun

Every Feeding...because in the blink of an eye, that newborn will be all grown up

Every Cuddle...because one day, they won't fit in your lap, or your arms

Every Story...because you are their first teacher

Every Conversation...because one day, you won't always be the person they want to talk to

Every Hug...because each one is another way for you to tell them how much you love them, and for them to tell you how much they love you

Every Sickness...because you get to be the one that comforts them

Every First...because it only happens once

Every Laugh...because they truly do make you smile bigger than anyone else can

Every Discipline...because you are prepping their heart for the Gospel and pointing them towards Jesus

Every DAY...because we aren't promised tomorrow

Be filled with thankfulness, joy, and satisfaction mommy, you're in the thick of one of the hardest seasons of your life, but one of the most beautifully rewarding.

XOXO

How Quickly We Forget!

As I walked through my house this afternoon I felt the anxiety rise as I saw everything that needed to be picked up, cleaned, swept, vacuumed, laundered, washed and folded. Why? Because at the same time I was trying to get my 2 year old to eat his fish and rice and he won't eat it unless I feed it to him for some reason and my now 5 month old is fussy because of 2 shots he received yesterday and I forgot to give him Tylenol. I know the cleaning won't happen before they go to bed and probably not after that either. I read a blog today that talked about enjoying each moment with our babies. It touched me and there might have been a few tears shed thinking how much I wish moments away sometimes. As I got my two in bed and thought about how long it had been since I've blogged I was praying about what to blog about. I was excited to blog about something totally different so I kept trying to get my boys in bed quicker, I told my 2 year old we would only read 4 books instead of 6 and we prayed and he got into bed. The baby cried so I took out of his room and brought him into mine to swaddle him. I was hurrying and right as I was about to pick him up and bring him back into his room he started cooing and smiling at me. That was the only reminder I needed. My heart felt heavy with conviction and I realized now I am making, what is supposed to be an encouragement to others and glorifying to God, my priority over my own babies. I stopped, sat on the bed and played with him. My older one heard me playing and ran into my room. I usually would tell him to get back in bed but by the grace of God i picked him up and set him next to us. The 20 minutes of snuggling, giggling, and playing was worth so much more than rushing anywhere or cleaning anything. Please, please stop and remember that each moment with your sweet littles is time you won't get back. Enjoy the crying.....why? Because you're mommy. You're the one they cry to, you're the one they trust with their tears, their hearts, their vulnerability. Don't ignore the cries, as frustrating as it can be, the rolly-polly that your dog just ate that made your son cry really does mean something to him, even if it seems ridiculous to you (yes this has happened to me multiple times). Tell them it's ok and don't get mad at their tears. When they throw another tantrum in Target take the time to teach them what is right, discipline and love on them. It might be embarrassing at the time but use it to grow. I've been sanctified in this area multiple times in the last few days and I am so thankful to God for that. We don't know how long we have here with them, and we don't know how quickly this season will pass. We will miss it when it is gone as I already miss when my older son was younger. Please stop and enjoy your babies!

Who are we?!

Mommy, mommy, mommy...mommy MOOOOOMMMMMYYYY!!!!!!! To My two littles this is who I am. Mommy. The one who smooches boo boos, the one who sings at night night time. The one who cleans up poop from... Well not just the potty......you say the word and I've probably cleaned poop off of it.  The one who loves them and disciplines them and wishes only the best for their lives (along with daddy of course). Sometimes, when I am in the middle of cooking dinner and have two tired kids, one crying because he just got a spanking for hitting the dog again and the other is crying because babies do that for no reason sometimes and Liam doesn't want  what I made, and I'm still in my pajamas and feel like I cant measure up, I feel like a failure. Like a terrible mom. I snap at my toddler when I'm frustrated. No other moms do that. "Other" moms talk sweetly when their toddler is disobeying.

Who am I? To me, I am a mom trying to live up to standards that are unrealistic, and very very unbiblical. I want to look at what the Bible says we are as mothers, who our great God tells us we are.

I am alive with Christ.
-Ephesians 2:5
*To be children of God as mothers is huge. We aren't dead in our sins any longer which means NO GUILT. Guilt is not from God. When we get frustrated and snap, apologize and seek forgiveness from your child and keep going knowing we have already been forgiven in Christ! What a joy!

I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me.
- 1 John 5:18
* WOW!!! This is a huge one! There are days I feel so attacked. Knowing that God protects us from the evil one is comforting and secures my heart and soul. Remember, when you're in a hard place that you will never be overtaken! You're born of GOD!

I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me.
-Colossians 3:9-10
*It's easy to fall back into where your mindset was before becoming a Christian. To do things that we used to do when we didn't care if it was right or wrong. Praise God we have a new heart and are new in Him who saved us! Act like Christ, love like Christ because we made in the image of Him and are to glorify Him in all we do with His strength!

I am a joint-heir with Christ
-Romans 8:17
*Our inheritance is CHRIST. Eternity with Him! No more guilt, pain, sorrow, expectations or sin!! I love this! God adopted us sinful wretched people and because of Him we inherit the kingdom.

I am an ambassador for Christ.
-2 Corinthians 5:20
*As a mom, I think our primary calling is to point our kids to Christ. I have a friend who is very very sick with a very rare condition and she encouraged me in this. She cannot get out of bed some days but God has been her encourager after feeling like a failure as a mom since she cannot care for her 5 beautiful children. Her husband told her that because she is sharing Christ with them and always pointing them to Him, she's the mom that God has called her to be and is doing ALL that God has called her to do.! That's so true and so encouraging!

The most important:

I am Forgiven! A Child  of GOD
Rest in this. REST. Enjoy being His child, be joyful because of this truth. Teach your kids all of these truths and live like you know them! In His strength we can!

Detours and Distractions: Living In The Moment

Why is it that the 20 second walk from the door to the car takes up to 10 minutes sometimes?! I'm not going to lie, there are times this can be frustrating.  But what I have come to notice is that those walks are mini field trips for my little toddler.  You see, everything he sees is new or if it isn't new, exciting.  His eyes take in the world fresh each day and he lives completely in the moment. It is a lesson for mommy's heart as I am quickly reminded of the reality of today, and the blessing of it.

As mothers, we are given the opportunity to relive everything all over again, and forced to live in the here and now.  I was at the park the other day and there were a handful of toddlers all mesmerized by a bunny rabbit running through the bushes.  Their laughter was contagious as they chased the little critter around the plants.  There was nothing else on their minds, and pure joy filled their hearts.  I stood there and smiled.  I was reminded of the beauty of God's creation and the little things I so often miss.  Our hearts become numb to normalcy and our eyes become blind to beauty that is sitting right outside our door, all because we are focused on something else rather than the moment.

I know this is something I have struggled with before I was a mother, and I continue to struggle with it today as a mother.  There will always be laundry to fold, dishes to wash, and meals to be prepped, but there won't always be little hands to play patty-cake with, cuddles on the couch, and books to be read.  Being a mother, I am forced to make today my focus more than ever before, and I pray I would see the gift in that.  Living life through your children's eyes is a life altering experience, richly blessed.  I am learning to be thankful for the detours and distractions that often "interrupt" my plans and my day, because it is in those sweet moments that I see the hand of God fresh, new, and active. Even when that detour is chasing the trash truck down the street ;).


"Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days." -Ephesians 5:16

Expectations....

Expectations. Unmet, unrealistic and overwhelming expectations. I've made them and I've failed to meet all of them as a wife and a mother. It is so easy, when you're young and not married, to dream of marriage and motherhood and think that you're life will be perfect. You're husband will always bring home flowers, you will have dinner waiting for him every night at 6pm with a cute outfit and your hair and makeup done. You're kids will be bathed everyday, there won't be cheerios on the floor and the dog won't stink. You're kids will always say please and thank you and will be potty trained at a year old....oh my, I could keep going, there are so many more that I've thought! But reality with kids, a husband that works and goes to school, a two year old and a 3 month old is not quite like that. Here's a look inside a day(or just the first few hours) I had last week.

-Oliver (3month old) wakes up crying at 5:30am
-The crying wakes Liam up at 5:30am
-Daddy leaves at 6 for work
-Liam pees in his underwear while I'm trying to get the baby a bottle
-I change the sheets and start a load of laundry with a naked toddler running around telling me he's  hungry
-I grab a waffle for him and some milk and the iPad so I can feed the baby
-Baby decides not to eat so I put him down and grab Liam to take him to the potty (tantrum because I'm taking him away from the iPad) so we sit and talk about why he needs to obey
-I clean the toilet because Liam's aim is a bit off...
- Oliver decides he wants to eat.
-Baby is fed and Liam is fed and now it's potty time again
-I decide to lock myself in the bathroom around 8:30 to pee and brush my teeth finally ewwww
-Liam helps me make a bowl of cereal and coffee for myself and spills the grounds, but he helps sweep them up.

Anyway, I won't keep going, you get the picture. No makeup all day, no shower until after the boys went to bed and I didn't have breakfast until after lunch.  Like Vanessa talked about, it's pretty much chaos constantly. But you know what? I LOVE it. I love the chaos, and I love the way God is working in my heart and life through it. I love that at the end of the day my kids see Jesus in my short comings, and I love that God has given me children to teach and raise up in Him.

When you let go of your expectations and live in Christ and His grace, your marriage, children and life will not be burdened with the failure that comes. You have victory in Christ! I love this verse

"As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or death"
Philippians 1:20

I pray that this would be my only expectation, that I wouldn't be ashamed and that I would live to honor Christ in everything I do in motherhood and marriage! What encouragement we have in Him!

Choosing Our Battles

Upside down sunglasses, a soccer jersey, batman pajama bottoms, no socks and running shoes on the wrong feet. Sounds like a typical 2 year old doesn't it? And a two year old who is very proud of himself for wearing all of his favorite things! As he came down the stairs "ready" to leave I couldn't help but chuckle and think "nope". Then, right before I sent him back upstairs to change, I thought " why?  Why does he need to change? He's doing nothing wrong and I was the one who told him to get dressed without picking clothes out for him". By telling him to go and change I would be crushing his spirit, causing a temper tantrum due to my own poor instruction and not letting him be his own little person. It wasn't like we were headed to a nice dinner, we were headed to target and the grocery store. Who cares what people think?! And plus, it pleases my heart to see his personality shine when he shows people he picked out his own clothes!

Right now in church and Bible Study we are studying Ephesians 4:6- "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
I love this passage! I don't think Paul would have written this if it wasn't easy to fall into provoking your children. For me, it's so easy to say "No" to Liam, but try to step back and figure out why you are about to say no. Is it because you don't want to clean up the mess, get up, or are too busy with your own thing that actually can wait? For me, these are usually the reasons. When I step back and look, those reasons are wrong and selfish, and what am I trying to teach him? Selflessness. Saying no when there isn't a good reason causes issue and once Liam is older and asks why, my response will be...uhhhh because mommy doesn't want to get up...provoking him and teaching him selfishness....these things matter! Anyways, now that I have babbled here's the picture of my sweet Liam in all his splendor!