A Letter to Myself

Dear Mommy,

Stop for a moment, look around, I want you to remember this sweet season.  Yes, there are unfolded clothes, dishes that need to be done, dust and fingerprints on the furniture, and spit up on your shirt, but look past that.  That baby sitting there, staring at you, and watching your every move, do you see her? YOU are her world.  You mean everything to her.  She knows you feed her, hold her, rock her, bathe her, change her, play with her, read to her...love her, and yes, even though she is so tiny and cannot express it, she loves you too, she adores you more than you know.  And that little boy who is asking you to help sweep and wants nothing more than to be with you every moment, or who asks you to fix his train track he breaks two seconds after you fix it, or to read that book he loves over and over again, the one who is growing up so quickly, YOU are his world too.  You're his best friend, his comforter, the fixer of all things, the one who dries his tears, the one who makes him laugh like nobody else can, and yes, he loves you too, more than he could ever express.

But I suppose I don't have to tell you those things, because deep down, deep inside, you know all these things to be true.  And even in the chaos of everyday life, you wouldn't trade your life as a mommy for the world.  These little hearts that have been entrusted to you, they are YOURS for this season of life (for as long as the Lord deems fit), what a privilege, what an honor to be THEIR mommy. Some days you're filled with complete thanksgiving to be a mommy, and other days you don't know if you're fit to be one.  You're tired, but somehow you often forget that. And yet, when you feel like you can't go on any longer, you are reminded that the grace of God is continually fueling you're days, with strength

So Mommy, please STOP, and enjoy every little moment...

Every Tear...because you are the only one that can wipe them away

Every Mess...because behind that mess is creativity, learning, and fun

Every Feeding...because in the blink of an eye, that newborn will be all grown up

Every Cuddle...because one day, they won't fit in your lap, or your arms

Every Story...because you are their first teacher

Every Conversation...because one day, you won't always be the person they want to talk to

Every Hug...because each one is another way for you to tell them how much you love them, and for them to tell you how much they love you

Every Sickness...because you get to be the one that comforts them

Every First...because it only happens once

Every Laugh...because they truly do make you smile bigger than anyone else can

Every Discipline...because you are prepping their heart for the Gospel and pointing them towards Jesus

Every DAY...because we aren't promised tomorrow

Be filled with thankfulness, joy, and satisfaction mommy, you're in the thick of one of the hardest seasons of your life, but one of the most beautifully rewarding.

XOXO

How Quickly We Forget!

As I walked through my house this afternoon I felt the anxiety rise as I saw everything that needed to be picked up, cleaned, swept, vacuumed, laundered, washed and folded. Why? Because at the same time I was trying to get my 2 year old to eat his fish and rice and he won't eat it unless I feed it to him for some reason and my now 5 month old is fussy because of 2 shots he received yesterday and I forgot to give him Tylenol. I know the cleaning won't happen before they go to bed and probably not after that either. I read a blog today that talked about enjoying each moment with our babies. It touched me and there might have been a few tears shed thinking how much I wish moments away sometimes. As I got my two in bed and thought about how long it had been since I've blogged I was praying about what to blog about. I was excited to blog about something totally different so I kept trying to get my boys in bed quicker, I told my 2 year old we would only read 4 books instead of 6 and we prayed and he got into bed. The baby cried so I took out of his room and brought him into mine to swaddle him. I was hurrying and right as I was about to pick him up and bring him back into his room he started cooing and smiling at me. That was the only reminder I needed. My heart felt heavy with conviction and I realized now I am making, what is supposed to be an encouragement to others and glorifying to God, my priority over my own babies. I stopped, sat on the bed and played with him. My older one heard me playing and ran into my room. I usually would tell him to get back in bed but by the grace of God i picked him up and set him next to us. The 20 minutes of snuggling, giggling, and playing was worth so much more than rushing anywhere or cleaning anything. Please, please stop and remember that each moment with your sweet littles is time you won't get back. Enjoy the crying.....why? Because you're mommy. You're the one they cry to, you're the one they trust with their tears, their hearts, their vulnerability. Don't ignore the cries, as frustrating as it can be, the rolly-polly that your dog just ate that made your son cry really does mean something to him, even if it seems ridiculous to you (yes this has happened to me multiple times). Tell them it's ok and don't get mad at their tears. When they throw another tantrum in Target take the time to teach them what is right, discipline and love on them. It might be embarrassing at the time but use it to grow. I've been sanctified in this area multiple times in the last few days and I am so thankful to God for that. We don't know how long we have here with them, and we don't know how quickly this season will pass. We will miss it when it is gone as I already miss when my older son was younger. Please stop and enjoy your babies!

Who are we?!

Mommy, mommy, mommy...mommy MOOOOOMMMMMYYYY!!!!!!! To My two littles this is who I am. Mommy. The one who smooches boo boos, the one who sings at night night time. The one who cleans up poop from... Well not just the potty......you say the word and I've probably cleaned poop off of it.  The one who loves them and disciplines them and wishes only the best for their lives (along with daddy of course). Sometimes, when I am in the middle of cooking dinner and have two tired kids, one crying because he just got a spanking for hitting the dog again and the other is crying because babies do that for no reason sometimes and Liam doesn't want  what I made, and I'm still in my pajamas and feel like I cant measure up, I feel like a failure. Like a terrible mom. I snap at my toddler when I'm frustrated. No other moms do that. "Other" moms talk sweetly when their toddler is disobeying.

Who am I? To me, I am a mom trying to live up to standards that are unrealistic, and very very unbiblical. I want to look at what the Bible says we are as mothers, who our great God tells us we are.

I am alive with Christ.
-Ephesians 2:5
*To be children of God as mothers is huge. We aren't dead in our sins any longer which means NO GUILT. Guilt is not from God. When we get frustrated and snap, apologize and seek forgiveness from your child and keep going knowing we have already been forgiven in Christ! What a joy!

I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me.
- 1 John 5:18
* WOW!!! This is a huge one! There are days I feel so attacked. Knowing that God protects us from the evil one is comforting and secures my heart and soul. Remember, when you're in a hard place that you will never be overtaken! You're born of GOD!

I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me.
-Colossians 3:9-10
*It's easy to fall back into where your mindset was before becoming a Christian. To do things that we used to do when we didn't care if it was right or wrong. Praise God we have a new heart and are new in Him who saved us! Act like Christ, love like Christ because we made in the image of Him and are to glorify Him in all we do with His strength!

I am a joint-heir with Christ
-Romans 8:17
*Our inheritance is CHRIST. Eternity with Him! No more guilt, pain, sorrow, expectations or sin!! I love this! God adopted us sinful wretched people and because of Him we inherit the kingdom.

I am an ambassador for Christ.
-2 Corinthians 5:20
*As a mom, I think our primary calling is to point our kids to Christ. I have a friend who is very very sick with a very rare condition and she encouraged me in this. She cannot get out of bed some days but God has been her encourager after feeling like a failure as a mom since she cannot care for her 5 beautiful children. Her husband told her that because she is sharing Christ with them and always pointing them to Him, she's the mom that God has called her to be and is doing ALL that God has called her to do.! That's so true and so encouraging!

The most important:

I am Forgiven! A Child  of GOD
Rest in this. REST. Enjoy being His child, be joyful because of this truth. Teach your kids all of these truths and live like you know them! In His strength we can!

Detours and Distractions: Living In The Moment

Why is it that the 20 second walk from the door to the car takes up to 10 minutes sometimes?! I'm not going to lie, there are times this can be frustrating.  But what I have come to notice is that those walks are mini field trips for my little toddler.  You see, everything he sees is new or if it isn't new, exciting.  His eyes take in the world fresh each day and he lives completely in the moment. It is a lesson for mommy's heart as I am quickly reminded of the reality of today, and the blessing of it.

As mothers, we are given the opportunity to relive everything all over again, and forced to live in the here and now.  I was at the park the other day and there were a handful of toddlers all mesmerized by a bunny rabbit running through the bushes.  Their laughter was contagious as they chased the little critter around the plants.  There was nothing else on their minds, and pure joy filled their hearts.  I stood there and smiled.  I was reminded of the beauty of God's creation and the little things I so often miss.  Our hearts become numb to normalcy and our eyes become blind to beauty that is sitting right outside our door, all because we are focused on something else rather than the moment.

I know this is something I have struggled with before I was a mother, and I continue to struggle with it today as a mother.  There will always be laundry to fold, dishes to wash, and meals to be prepped, but there won't always be little hands to play patty-cake with, cuddles on the couch, and books to be read.  Being a mother, I am forced to make today my focus more than ever before, and I pray I would see the gift in that.  Living life through your children's eyes is a life altering experience, richly blessed.  I am learning to be thankful for the detours and distractions that often "interrupt" my plans and my day, because it is in those sweet moments that I see the hand of God fresh, new, and active. Even when that detour is chasing the trash truck down the street ;).


"Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days." -Ephesians 5:16

Expectations....

Expectations. Unmet, unrealistic and overwhelming expectations. I've made them and I've failed to meet all of them as a wife and a mother. It is so easy, when you're young and not married, to dream of marriage and motherhood and think that you're life will be perfect. You're husband will always bring home flowers, you will have dinner waiting for him every night at 6pm with a cute outfit and your hair and makeup done. You're kids will be bathed everyday, there won't be cheerios on the floor and the dog won't stink. You're kids will always say please and thank you and will be potty trained at a year old....oh my, I could keep going, there are so many more that I've thought! But reality with kids, a husband that works and goes to school, a two year old and a 3 month old is not quite like that. Here's a look inside a day(or just the first few hours) I had last week.

-Oliver (3month old) wakes up crying at 5:30am
-The crying wakes Liam up at 5:30am
-Daddy leaves at 6 for work
-Liam pees in his underwear while I'm trying to get the baby a bottle
-I change the sheets and start a load of laundry with a naked toddler running around telling me he's  hungry
-I grab a waffle for him and some milk and the iPad so I can feed the baby
-Baby decides not to eat so I put him down and grab Liam to take him to the potty (tantrum because I'm taking him away from the iPad) so we sit and talk about why he needs to obey
-I clean the toilet because Liam's aim is a bit off...
- Oliver decides he wants to eat.
-Baby is fed and Liam is fed and now it's potty time again
-I decide to lock myself in the bathroom around 8:30 to pee and brush my teeth finally ewwww
-Liam helps me make a bowl of cereal and coffee for myself and spills the grounds, but he helps sweep them up.

Anyway, I won't keep going, you get the picture. No makeup all day, no shower until after the boys went to bed and I didn't have breakfast until after lunch.  Like Vanessa talked about, it's pretty much chaos constantly. But you know what? I LOVE it. I love the chaos, and I love the way God is working in my heart and life through it. I love that at the end of the day my kids see Jesus in my short comings, and I love that God has given me children to teach and raise up in Him.

When you let go of your expectations and live in Christ and His grace, your marriage, children and life will not be burdened with the failure that comes. You have victory in Christ! I love this verse

"As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or death"
Philippians 1:20

I pray that this would be my only expectation, that I wouldn't be ashamed and that I would live to honor Christ in everything I do in motherhood and marriage! What encouragement we have in Him!

Choosing Our Battles

Upside down sunglasses, a soccer jersey, batman pajama bottoms, no socks and running shoes on the wrong feet. Sounds like a typical 2 year old doesn't it? And a two year old who is very proud of himself for wearing all of his favorite things! As he came down the stairs "ready" to leave I couldn't help but chuckle and think "nope". Then, right before I sent him back upstairs to change, I thought " why?  Why does he need to change? He's doing nothing wrong and I was the one who told him to get dressed without picking clothes out for him". By telling him to go and change I would be crushing his spirit, causing a temper tantrum due to my own poor instruction and not letting him be his own little person. It wasn't like we were headed to a nice dinner, we were headed to target and the grocery store. Who cares what people think?! And plus, it pleases my heart to see his personality shine when he shows people he picked out his own clothes!

Right now in church and Bible Study we are studying Ephesians 4:6- "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
I love this passage! I don't think Paul would have written this if it wasn't easy to fall into provoking your children. For me, it's so easy to say "No" to Liam, but try to step back and figure out why you are about to say no. Is it because you don't want to clean up the mess, get up, or are too busy with your own thing that actually can wait? For me, these are usually the reasons. When I step back and look, those reasons are wrong and selfish, and what am I trying to teach him? Selflessness. Saying no when there isn't a good reason causes issue and once Liam is older and asks why, my response will be...uhhhh because mommy doesn't want to get up...provoking him and teaching him selfishness....these things matter! Anyways, now that I have babbled here's the picture of my sweet Liam in all his splendor!

Chaos

Chaos.  That really is the only way I can describe my life right now.  And might I add, that I feel like I'm living in survival mode 24/7...as if surviving, in and of itself, is an accomplishment on its own.  But there is something so beautiful about chaos, something the Lord is trying to teach me to embrace, or maybe forcing me to embrace, either way I have yet to embrace it with arms wide open. You see, I am not your easy-going, flexible, go with the wind type of gal; in fact, I am the exact opposite.  I am type-A all the way...I like structure, and order, and plans, and schedules.  But the reality of my life at the moment is anything but orderly.  I think the reality of motherhood is that life is not predictable, and we must remember to take each day as it comes.  I am constantly forced to depend on HIM for strength.

I have found myself struggling to grasp what exactly the Lord is wanting to teach me through this trying season with two littles (19 months and 2 months).  I know that there is purpose in every situation we are placed in, and yet what purpose could there be in a morning with a screaming baby who refuses to nap and a toddler who poops in the bath...twice, all before 8am?!

I am learning more than ever about myself through trying situations, of my own weaknesses and failings.  And in turn, I am learning more about the Lord's grace and goodness and how much it truly is lavished upon me each and every day.  I wish I could say that in moments like that I respond well and rightly, but the truth is, most of the time, I have a bad attitude and find myself asking for forgiveness from my toddler for snapping at him because my patience is worn so thin.  There is no excuse for that behavior, no matter how chaotic my life or a situation might become.  Thank the Lord for His ever present, ever sustaining grace.

Lamentations 3:23 is such a beautiful Truth, "Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning."  What an amazing promise that is for the mother who is weary.  The promise that every. single. day. we can start afresh?!  What hope.


I know this is only the beginning of the work the Lord is attempting to do on my heart through this adventure of motherhood, and I am eager to see what He continues to do.  How many more babies that don't sleep well will he give to me in order to teach me about my need for Him (let's hope I learn my lesson soon!)?? How many more tantrums will my toddler have to throw before I learn my true dependence upon Him and the need to be Jesus to him?? And how many more moments, like poop in the bath, will I experience in order to grow my character, and give me opportunities to respond rightly?


Mothers, may our hearts remember His fresh grace and mercy each morning, and may we live as if it is a reality, and then embrace the chaos around us...because after all, it is a beautiful thing the Lord is doing in order to make us more like Him.

Divided Attention and Smooshed Grapes

Ever since baby #2 came along, baby #1 has had to learn to adjust to getting my very very divided attention. He was so used to having my undivided attention for over 2 years that it's been..... Interesting...... It's so hard not to feel guilty that Liam (the oldest) isn't being held and cuddled and played with constantly like we used to do, but Oliver needs us just as much, well, let's not joke around, babies need us constantly! It's hard to feel like I'm letting Liam down when I'm feeding/changing/ holding the baby and can't play cars or get him something to eat right away. He's resorted to throwing grapes at the TV (yes he watches tv while he eats when I need a break) when he's done and I can't  get up because a baby is attached. And he laughs while he does it! At the same time,  God is using this to remind me that He is the only one that can satisfy. Liam will grow up knowing that all people are sinners and will let him down (even mommy and daddy *gasp*) and I pray God would reinforce the fact that He is the One who will never disappoint! I love my chaotic life and I'm so thankful that He is here to give me grace and to help me teach my kids grace through
my failings!!!

Below is a picture of my kiddos! As crazy as things have gotten since having kids, it's so sanctifying and fun at the same time and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The Adventure of Motherhood

Nobody and nothing can prepare you for the reality of motherhood.  Our imaginations dream wild as we anticipate, as young girls, what it would be like to be a mother.  We watch our own mothers and see what really is only one aspect of the whole picture, and we long for that.  And it's good.  It is a good desire to want to be a mother, one I believe the Lord places in our hearts and cultivates throughout our life until the day arrives when we actually get to bring home that bundle of joy.  But, as with everything in this life, there is a much deeper reality and purpose to being a mother than what is seen on the surface.  It is through the crazy adventure of motherhood that the Lord refines us, grows us, shapes us, and uses us in deeply profound ways.

This blog is going to be real: dairy entries of women who are walking through the thick of motherhood.  There won't be anything hidden, all the blessings and triumphs, along with the trials will be written about..and along the way, I'm sure a lot of laugh out loud moments.  And we, as fellow mothers, pray that we might encourage you on your journey through motherhood, and find daily sufficient grace in Him :).

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence."
-2 Peter 1:3